Hello and welcome to Alts Cafe.
The most important alternative investing stories each week, customized to your liking, best enjoyed over a cup of coffee.
Highlights:
- Private Equity & Private Credit: Three new House bills could reshape access to private markets forever
- Startups & VC: A clever regulatory workaround may allow Polymarket to go legal in the U.S. by buying a tiny exchange
- Collectibles, Culture and Luxury: CryptoPunks are leading the NFT rebound while a massive trove of Ozzy Osbourne memorabilia is heading to auction
- Crypto: Congress splits on regulating crypto as a new Senate bill diverges from the Clarity Act
- Sports: How Oaktree Capital seized control of Inter Milan
- Precious Metals and Gems: A Silicon Valley firm claims it can literally turn mercury into gold at industrial scale
- Farmland: Private equity’s growing appetite for farmland is reshaping global ag strategies
- Real Estate: A staggering 91,000 homes were pulled off the market last month, the most in over a decade
- Music & Film: AI-generated songs are appearing on dead artists’ Spotify pages without permission
- Wine, Whiskey & Spirits: Buffalo Trace teams up with Meridian Biotech to transform distillery byproducts into alternative proteins.
- Artwork: What is Red Chip Art? Wyatt breaks it down.
- 🇬🇧 International Investing: London is exploring 24-hour trading to reclaim its status as a global financial hub
Let’s go
Table of Contents
International Investing
Around the world…
- 🇫🇷 France is allocating an extra €8 billion to bolster its defense spending amid rising geopolitical tension.
- 🇨🇳 Beijing’s grip on global shipping tightens as China’s port empire continues to grow.
- 🇳🇵 A proposed Trans-Himalayan railway backed by China puts Nepal in the middle of India-China rivalry.
- 🇬🇧 London is exploring 24-hour trading to reclaim its status as a global financial hub
Private Equity & Private Credit
- Three new House bills could change private investing forever
- Apollo’s private credit business is going blockchain to find new investors
- Goldman Sachs is targeting 401(k) plans by launching a private credit CIT
- Evergreen fund retailization has regulators raising concerns
- A new analysis argues that PE fund volatility is higher than most allocators think
- Private credit firms are pouring into Asia as the region’s lending gap grows
- Clearlake, Bain, and Advent are circling Worldpay in a $15B acquisition bid
- Oregon’s pension system is under fire for pursuing high-risk investments that could backfire
What’s really happening here?
There’s an extremely important new bill in the House of Representatives:
H.R.3339 – Equal Opportunity for All Investors Act of 2025
This would allow any individual to become an accredited investor by passing a free SEC-sanctioned exam, rather than meeting income or net worth requirements.
What it means:
Millions of people who previously couldn’t legally invest in private offerings because they weren’t accredited, could theoretically now qualify through a free, knowledge-based test — opening the floodgates for main street investors.
But one prominent accreditation expert says there’s more to the story — a lot more.
You may recognize the name Gerry Hayes from the Alts Community. Here’s what the founder Doriot has to say:
This isn’t about democratizing capital. It’s about rechanneling it—away from traditional public markets, and into a system where Silicon Valley insiders and financial middlemen maintain control, with even less oversight. Yes, it’s time for a more inclusive financial system. But this isn’t it—at least not yet. Real financial inclusion requires transparency, aligned incentives, liquidity options, and education that doesn’t stop at a free exam run by the government. – Gerry Hayes, founder of Doriot and VentureStaking
Crypto
- Congress splits on regulating crypto as a new Senate bill diverges from the Clarity Act
- Wall Street is officially embracing tokenized money market funds, with BNY and Goldman leading the charge
- Blockchain is now part of Apollo’s playbook, as its private credit offerings go digital
- Stablecoin payments could soon power Amazon and Walmart checkouts
- Bitcoin ATMs are flooding U.S. cities following long-awaited regulatory clarity
- The SEC froze Bitwise’s ETF just days after granting approval
- Bitfarms stock jumped after a $50 million buyback announcement from its CEO
- Telegram just launched its crypto wallet in the U.S., bringing stablecoins mainstream
Sports
- How Oaktree Capital seized control of Inter Milan
- The ACC’s Jim Phillips says the conference is not sold on private equity as a revenue source for college sports
- ESPN, Fox, and Warner Bros. Discovery are finalizing a joint venture deal with the NFL for equity in its media assets
Want to buy a European football team?
It seems like everyone wants to own a European football club these days. Glamorous & global, it seems like the ultimate status symbol.
But behind the scenes, the economics are brutal, Mmost rely on constant refinancing, and when the music stops, someone ends up holding the bag.
That’s exactly what happened with the Chinese and Inter Milan.
In this week’s guest post from the excellent Pari Passu newsletter, we explore how a €275M rescue loan from Oaktree quietly turned into a full-blown equity takeover.
It’s one of the best breakdowns we’ve seen on how ambition, debt, and macro shocks collide in European soccer.
Startups & VC
- A clever regulatory workaround may allow Polymarket to go legal in the U.S. by buying a tiny exchange
- Yieldstreet’s fresh $77M infusion fuels its expansion into alternatives for retail investors
- Fortune 500 CISOs are backing a $32M raise for Delve, a startup focused on AI-powered cybersecurity
- Scrunch AI is applying synthetic biology to foie gras, thanks to a $15M Series A
- Crowdfunding consolidation continues as Gamefound acquires Indiegogo, shaking up the creator economy
- Freename is building web3’s DNS layer with help from a new $6.5M Series A
Want to invest in Vast?
Last week, LA City Captain James Creech took the SoCal crew on a tour of Vast, the ambitious startup building private space stations aiming to replace the ISS (!)
Vast is raising its first institutional round at a $1.7 billion valuation.
The company doesn’t actually need the capital — the round is largely about demonstrating credibility and improving their odds of securing NASA’s contract to replace the ISS.
Remarkably, we’ve managed to secure an allocation in the first close through our friends at Balerion Space Ventures , facilitated by an introduction from Kaylock Yam, one of our NYC City Captains.
Should we proceed, Altea members will co-invest right alongside Balerion on identical terms.
Only Altea members can invest in Vast.
Collectibles, Culture and Luxury
- CryptoPunks are leading the NFT rebound while a massive trove of Ozzy Osbourne memorabilia is heading to auction
- Game-worn Adidas sneakers from Kobe Bryant’s rookie season are up for grabs
- A rare Caitlin Clark rookie card has surfaced with a $500,000 price tag
- Sneaker flipping is getting tougher as competition and supply challenges grow
- LEGO’s latest nostalgia play? A working Nintendo Game Boy made entirely of bricks
- Archaeologists at the Fitzwilliam Museum uncovered an ancient Egyptian handprint, likely left by a laborer more than 3,000 years ago.
- A Trojan War-era bronze armor set, possibly worn by an elite warrior, was unearthed.
Precious Metals and Gems
- A Silicon Valley firm claims it can literally turn mercury into gold at industrial scale
- Illegal gold smuggling is booming in Latin America, with mercury now a key black-market player
- Elon Musk’s cobalt supplier is expanding deeper into Congo, raising ethical mining concerns
- The U.S. Senate is pushing anti-money laundering laws that could reshape the high-end gem and bullion trade
Farmland
- Private equity’s growing appetite for farmland is reshaping global ag strategies
- U.S. peanut exports are sliding due to shifting market dynamics
New Farmland Partnership
Earlier this month, Artem Milinchuk, founder of FarmTogether joined us at our investor meetup in San Francisco.
He shared how institutions have long allocated to farmland for its scarcity and durability, but individuals haven’t had the same access.
FarmTogether is changing that, and we’re currently exploring two of their offerings:
- An 80-acre California mandarin grove with two strong varietals, a seasoned operator staying on board, and target returns of 11.1% net IRR and 9.4% target net cash yield.
- The Sustainable Farmland Fund, an open-ended vehicle offering diversified exposure to U.S. farmland.
The Landmark Mandarin Grove typically requires a minimum investment of $15k, and the Sustainable Farmland Fund typically requires a minimum of $100k.
However, if there is sufficient demand, we may offer access to these through an SPV with lower minimums.
Real Estate
- Lenders are warming up to financing tiny backyard homes, unlocking new housing possibilities
- In June, a record 91,000 homes were delisted as sellers retreated from a softening market
- Multifamily permit approvals fell for the third straight month, showing mounting development caution
- The state of Michigan is auctioning off a secluded 3-acre island with a starting bid of just $3,750
- Despite solid leasing, warehouse vacancy rates are climbing at an unexpected pace
- Trump’s plan to scrap capital gains taxes on home sales is gaining support among conservatives
Talking Real Estate in Austin
Real estate was a big theme at our Altea meetup in Austin — and Patrick Taylor stood out as one interesting RE investor.
Patrick plays running back for the San Francisco 49ers, and he’s already preparing for life after football by investing in duplexes in Green Bay and Houston.
Music & Film
- AI-generated songs are appearing on dead artists’ Spotify pages without permission
- Universal Music Group has taken a major step toward a U.S. listing by filing a draft registration with the SEC
- Hallwood has signed a record deal with imoliver, an AI-powered music designer
Artwork
- Phillips’ tiered bidding system gives VIPs first dibs at auction
- A stolen Renaissance painting has been voluntarily returned to an Italian museum after decades abroad.
🔴 Learn more: Red Chip Art
In Let’s Laugh at Ed Sheeran, Wyatt critiques the singer’s new art collection, Cosmic Carpark, a series of Pollock-style drip paintings sold through HENI Gallery.
He argues the work lacks originality and artistic merit, instead fitting neatly into the “Red Chip Art” phenomenon—where celebrity hype, not talent, drives value.
Sheeran’s art drop leans heavily on his fanbase and fame, with limited-edition prints priced up to £6,000. Though proceeds from Sheeran’s share go to his music foundation, the gallery still takes half, making the project feel more like overpriced celebrity merch than charitable or meaningful art.
Wyatt ranks Sheeran #8 in a list of underwhelming celebrity artists, alongside names like Johnny Depp and Bob Dylan.
Wine, Whiskey & Spirits
- Buffalo Trace teams up with Meridian Biotech to transform distillery byproducts into alternative proteins.
- Japan’s natural wine obsession is fueling its fastest-growing wine market
- California vintners brace for poor yields as a cruel summer chills the state’s harvest
- A tariff-fueled plunge in U.S. liquor sales is straining exports to Canada
- Scotland’s whisky exports could suffer under Trump’s revived tariff threat
Tequila Masterclass in Miami
Tequila is still very much a booming alternative asset class. But it’s also becoming very hyped. Unless you’ve got real insider connections, you’re probably getting screwed.
Luckily, we do.
Our longtime friend and tequila partner Miguel Ortiz has deep roots in Jalisco, Mexico, and a rare understanding of the industry’s inner workings. He’s not peddling celebrity brands or quick flips, he’s showing people what real tequila is actually about.
At the sleek Moore Miami in the design district, Miguel hosted an interactive tasting of some of the least-hyped and most pure, delicious, complex tequilas in the world — explaining precisely they’re so special.
Not all tequilas are created equal. Miguel’s private masterclass is the perfect antidote to an age when grifters, fly-by-night influencers, and now even VCs (ugh) buy up a few plants and start marketing a “premium” tequila.
Serious alt investors deserve to understand how this stuff really works. That’s exactly what the Miami event delivered.
(And by the way, if you haven’t seen Wyatt’s teardown of the new tequila brand from “The Besties”…my god. Do yourself a favor and read it.)
That’s all for this week.
See you next time, Stefan
Disclosures
- This issue was sponsored by Delve
- This issue contains no affiliate links
